A.D.Heaven

how to tell
an emptiness that belies
a violence
a yearning to be loved
lost, or hidden
unmet
by any embrace
that I could ever muster
the tide has come in
filled the indentations
where you pressed right in
all of the words between us
form a vast net
black twine and tangled cornsilks
soft earth seeps in
roots searching for water
real love, real love, real love, real love

I can't wait
to get out
stare at the sun
get my head straight
sleep with the windows open
breathe air that's never touched your face
I won't, look back
(I wont't look back)
I've been digging
dirt in my hair and in my eyes
I have never
been more clear
how I reach right through time
I've got a garden now
(I've got a garden now)
I can't wait
to get out
stare at the sun
get my head straight
I won't, look back
(I won't look back)

movie heroine
movie heroine
mould got to the well
got into your lungs
hands together now
kissing a blow-up doll
kissing a blow-up doll
kissing a blow-up doll
abcess in your mouth
abcess in my mouth
charcoal grit again
mewling at the door
drunk but powerful
all the things that we
we don't talk about
cockatoos on the porch
sugar on the toungue
finding a way to be loved
kissing a blow-up doll
kissing a blow-up doll
kissing a blow-up doll

there's salt in the wounds
there's flowers at your feet
and you look more
like your mother
everyday (mm)
tears
are only spells
and it's a wet
morning
haven't you heard?
we're getting out
for real this time (mm)
ah, ah, ah, ah

I am not the precipice
of a reckoning
and it will not keep me from my joy
but still I put them in a pile
so in the morning I can know
how much shame to carry with me
I am debating
what can and cannot be
coiled within a heart
waiting for release
take me home
kiss the spot on my neck
I like best and
stay with me

in the valley I saw a sign
it was no relief
and the water gathered at my feet
it was no relief
I buried it deep in the soil
walking backwards, feeling slowly
making a way home
it's not the terror
it's only the terror
of holding a mirror to you
waking up
the dead
I guess now you'll sleep right through

sunrise, again
lately I've been waking
and my hands don't shake
there it is
hollow feeling
handprint on your thigh
a trick of the light
ah, ah
held soft
a blooming
a knowing that can't subside
I'll see it at sunrise
ah, ah, ah

I am your sober thought
the light
in the window
gather round
the mercury
I still taste metal on my tongue
I am your daughter
I am your holy ghost
shivering
a shivering thing
lingers in me
I am your daughter
I am your holy ghost

a swarm of rolling symbols
it feels like unwravelling
to unfold
in a house that you don't know
held like a womb
in time, I hang
I feel much larger than I am
heavier than the body can bear
but I'm staying with the trouble
the ghosts they weep, they've seen it all
the ghosts they weep, they've seen it all
the ghosts they weep, they've seen it all
the ghosts they weep, they've seen it all